The True Story of . . . How It All Went Terribly, Wonderfully Wrong
I already mentioned the hormones which Java and Joshua had in spades. John the Ranger had already graduated from that stage, thankfully. For Joshua it was extremely painful because he was interested in just one girl: Ruthie, who as I’ve already mentioned was off limits. This factor succeeded in only one way. Joshua’s boyish lust turned into puppy love, while for Java it was just plain lust. But Java was focused on Ruthie none the less.
You must remember that young ladies have hormones too. Ruthie however was almost drunk with the power she had over Java and Joshua. They would gladly fulfill her every wish and whim. Anyone looking from the objective outside could see through Ruthie’s game, but Java and Joshua were oblivious to the fact. In fact she was using them for their weakness. They were together so much they were nicknamed the Three. Not the best of intentions, but no good deed goes unpunished.
One night the Three snuck out of their houses and headed to the woods armed with a large bottle of peppermint schnapps. Quickly, they got drunk and Joshua soon passed out. At first Ruthie and Java just stared drunkenly at each other. Naturally, they started to make out, awkwardly: Too much spit and too much tongue. Either way they both became very horny and tried their best to take off each other’s clothes. Next thing you know, they are in the water skinny dipping. In the shallow water Ruthie breasts glistened in the moon light. Shallower was a fully erect Java, overcome with desire. So Java took Ruthie into his arms from behind, cradling her firm breasts in his hands. Finally they made fumbling, drunken love on a blanket on the beach of Lake Gratitude. Yes, son, you were conceived on the beach of Lake Gratitude. I tell you this with only a hint of irony, given you current situation.
So there I was, on the beach covered with Ruthie’s sweet sweat and kisses when I dosed off with Ruthie’s breasts cupped in my hands, spooning. I slept restlessly and I woke suddenly at dawn: I was alone. It took several minutes to find my shoes and clothes, so I ran back to where Joshua had passed out and he was gone as well. It occurred to me that last night with Ruthie may have been a dream, until I saw the hickey on my neck in my car’s rearview mirror. Wow, shit, this is a big deal. Did anyone see us? I tried to cover the hickey with the collar of my shirt without success. Could she have given me a hickey and that was that? My gut told me a different story, unfortunately.
I just slept with the Shaman’s youngest daughter and there will be Hell to pay if anyone finds out. Questions piled up in my head like a derailed train: How long has Ruthie been up? Where’s Joshua? Why can’t I find my other sock? Why didn’t I use a condom? Was she a Virgin too? Goramn it where is Ruthie? Does she have any more regret than I do? First thing I need to do is find her and see if her memories are less foggy and confused than mine. So I ran full tilt toward her house.
When I arrived Ruthie gave me an awkward smile as she watered her mother’s roses. “Hi, Jarl. How are you.’’ She asked nonchalantly. “Mother doesn’t want me to get water on the leaves as they can lead to a fungus among us.” She smiled less awkwardly but still forced.
“What about when it rains?” Continuing with general conversation.
“Good point, Jarl.” By now the smile was real: “Did you have fun last night?” Not general any more.
“Uh.” I was actually thinking about it. “Definitely.”
“Oh, Jarl!” She put down the hose. “What have we done?” And grabbed me in an embrace and started to cry. Oh shit. This can’t be good. Crying makes me very uncomfortable. It reminds me of my Mother’s crying jags resulting from her manic episodes.
“Why are you crying Ruthie?” Truly confused.
“Because you just got me knocked up.”
I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away so I could look in her tear stained eyes. “Say what? How could you possibly know already?” Flabbergasted.
Ruthie met my gaze and that made me very uncomfortable. “I have the gift of foresight. Knew last night would happen and what the consequences would be. I’m actually glad that it is done. I was giddy with anticipation.”
“Wait! You knew? What the fuck?”
She laughed, which I didn’t like. “Exactly. Now we can screw whenever we want.”
That pleasant thought was soon supplanted by: “I’m not ready to be a Father.”
“Nor I a Mother. But that doesn’t mean It ain’t gonna happen. I love you, Java!” She started to cry again and held me tighter than ever. I never did like the song but “Ruthie was a little bit Queer” seemed apropos.
The Truth Comes Out
Laugh Out Loud
Two months later after many nights on the beach Ruthie could no longer hide her bulging belly, so she sat down at the kitchen table with her Mother: “I’m pregnant with Java’s son.”
“I know. You can hide no secrets from me, littlest daughter.”
“Oh!” Ruthie was taken aback. “How long have you known?”
“Since the first day, of course! You can hide no secrets from me, little one.”
Under her breath. “Goramn it!”
“Don’t swear at my table, Ruthie Ann Shaman!”
. . . Meanwhile at Java’s house . . .